Being "low maintenance" is overrated, and we need to stop celebrating it

A personal take on why having needs isn't a personality flaw

Somewhere along the way, "I'm really low maintenance" became a compliment we hand out like a badge of honor. A green flag. A selling point. And I get it; nobody wants to be seen as needy, dramatic, or difficult.

But I've been thinking: what if the whole idea is kind of messed up?

Because "low maintenance" often doesn't mean you don't have needs. It means you've gotten really good at hiding them. It means you've trained yourself to say "I'm fine" when you're not, to go with the flow when you actually had a preference, and to make yourself smaller so the people around you feel more comfortable.

That's not easygoing. That's self-abandonment with better PR.

The "low maintenance" ideal gets sold to us, especially to women, as aspirational. Be the cool girl. Don't make a fuss. Don't ask for too much. And yes, of course, there's a difference between being flexible and being a walking inconvenience. But somewhere between those two extremes, a lot of us quietly learned to stop advocating for ourselves entirely.

I've watched people, myself included, congratulate themselves for not speaking up in relationships, friendships, or at work. For not asking a doctor actually to explain something. For not sending back a genuinely wrong meal. And calling it "chill."

Chill isn't a personality trait if it's costing you something.

Having standards for how people treat you, what you'll tolerate, and what you ask for is not high maintenance. It's just maintenance. The basic kind. The kind that keeps a person from running on empty.

The people who love you shouldn't want you to be low maintenance. They should want to know what you actually need.

You're not a burden for having a preference. You're a person.

So I'm done complimenting myself for shrinking. I'd rather be someone who asks for what they need, sets the occasional boundary, and yes, maybe has opinions about where we eat dinner. That's not a flaw. That's just being honest.

I want to hear from you

Do you wear "low maintenance" as a badge? Or has there been a moment where you realized you'd been making yourself too small? Drop it in the comments; I have a feeling this one's going to hit a nerve.

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